407 PREMARITAL SEXUAL RELATIONS

YOUCAT Lesson 407

YOUCAT the catechism for Catholic youth

407  Why is the church against premarital sexual relations?

Because she would like to protect love.  A person can give someone else no greater gift than himself.  “I love you” means for both: “I want only you, I want all that you are, and I want to give myself to you forever!”  Because that is so, we cannot, even with our bodies, really say “I love you” temporarily or on a trial basis.  [2350, 2391]

Saint Therese of Lisieux, The Little Flower, (1873-1897), canonized May 17, 1925 by Pope Pius the Eleventh. ….. 407

(Inset at lower left) St. Zeilie Martin, mother of Theresa, November 21, 1875 comment: "I hear the baby calling me Mama! as she goes down the stairs. On every step, she calls out Mama! and if I don't respond every time, she remains there without going either forward or back."

(Inset at lower right) St. Louis Martin, father of Thérèse.  Although Louis intended to become a monk, wishing to enter the Augustinian Great St. Bernard Monastery, he was rejected because he did not succeed at learning Latin. Later he decided to become a watchmaker and studied his craft in Rennes and in Strasbourg. …“To his daughters he gave touching and naïve pet names: Marie was his diamond, Pauline his noble pearl, Céline the bold one. But Thérèse was his petite reine, little queen, to whom all treasures belonged."

Many people take their premarital relationships seriously.  And yet there are two reservations involved that are incompatible with love: the “exit option” and the fear of a child.  Because love is so great, so sacred, and so unique, the Church teaches young people the obligation to wait until they are married before they start to have sexual relations.  425

“To give your body to another person symbolizes the total gift of yourself to that person.”  Pope St. John Paul II (1920-2005), meeting with young people in Kampala, Uganda, February 6, 1993

“Young people want great things…Christ did not promise an easy life.  Those who desire comforts have dialed the wrong number.  Rather, he shows us the way to great things, the good, toward an authentic human life.”  Pope Benedict XVI, April 25, 2005

“Experience, too, shows that premarital sexual relations make the choice of the right lifelong partner more difficult rather than easier.  Part of preparation for a good marriage is training and consolidating your character.  You should also cultivate those forms of love and tenderness which are appropriate to the provisional nature of your friendly relationship.  Being able to wait and do without now will make it easier for you later to show loving consideration for your future spouse.”  Pope St. John Paul II, September 8, 1985 in Vaduz, Liechtenstein, to young people.

[2350, 2391]

The various forms of chastity

2350 Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.

2391 Some today claim a "right to a trial marriage" where there is an intention of getting married later. However firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, "the fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor, especially, can they protect it from inconstancy of desires or whim." (Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Persona humana 7)¹⁸⁴ Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate "trial marriages." It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another. (Compare Familiaris Consortio 80.)¹⁸⁵